Everything has its Time
by Skyeblux
Summary: Rose realises that it isn't the loss of Mickey that's hurting her but the feeling that she's lost the Doctor.  One random morning on board the good ship T.A.R.D.I.S., Rose says the one thing she never thought she would ever say. Angst, H/C
1. Chapter 1

Title: Everything has it's Time (1/8)  
Pairing: Rose/Ten  
Spoilers: Set after 'Age of Steel'  
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery  
Rating: Teen for mature writing style  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and make no financial profit from this writing, just other kinds of profit!

Summary: Rose realises that it isn't the loss of Mickey that's hurting her but the feeling that she's lost the Doctor. One random morning on board the good ship T.A.R.D.I.S., Rose says the one thing she never thought she would ever say.

Rose hadn't been herself lately. She felt numb, listless. Something was missing but for the life of her she couldn't remember what it was. Something wasn't right. She wasn't right.

She stared blankly through her mirrored reflection as she absently tried to tame her damp golden strands to tangle free and un-knotted normalcy though why she bothered, when her next adventure would likely involve strange alien substances taking up residence again in her roots or just wind tussled back combing as she ran for her life, was beyond reasoning.

She chewed thoughtlessly on her pump bottom lip, her fingers raking through her hair as her mind wandered to the depths of being, inside one Rose Tyler and struggled with more resilient knots and tangles.

She felt; how did she feel? Did she feel at all?

There was something so familiar like a memory tugging on he strings of consciousness. Stuck somewhere in the web of her mind, trapped, waiting with dread to be discovered and devoured; an errant thought that held a key to...'Oh' she groaned in frustration. Everyone has off days.

She was just tired or missing Mickey. No she wouldn't think about him not yet, not now, maybe not ever, though she couldn't fool herself into believing that but that's what they did wasn't it? They were the cause without the effect; the main course without the pudding, no consequences no aftermath no self-recrimination or introspection; no second guessing or torturous tales of what ifs. But this was different, this time the repercussions were personal.

No, she'd be fine, she was always fine; through that was the problem wasn't it? She wasn't fine. She couldn't get her mind to process why, but she definitely wasn't. _I'm always fine,_ a chill ran through her.

Rose stilled her hands. Her hair would be greasy again with such fiddling and twiddling and huffed info her pink elephant pyjamas. She flopped unto the bed.

It would be another couple of mindless infuriating and unproductive hours before she'd fall asleep.

In her thoughts, in her head, in her dreams, Rose Tyler was in her own bed back at Bucknall house, her alarm blaring and mother yelling something about eggs and tea and warnings about being late. She buried her head under the pillow and snuggled further into the soporific warmth that her body had radiated during the night. Then there was a hand on her shoulder and the soft whisper of her name.

"Rose?" No response.

"Rose?"

"Just ten more minutes, yeah?"

"Rose?"

"Go away mum." She shoved at the irritating pressure of the disembodied hand with a little more force than necessary.

"Oi! None of that or I'll set the T.A.R.D.I.S. air-con to subzero and I am not your mother and do you really have to mention her this early in the morning? Not a health feeling to start the day with, abject horror! Rose? How can you sleep through? Rose?"

"I'm up I'm..." And there's that feeling as her garish pink council estate boudoir fades into oblivion and the surreal T.A.R.D.I.S. slowly resubstantiates knocking off kilter the default setting of her preconscious self and she suddenly knows exactly what she feels, and it's nothing.

No it's not nothing but it's getting up at unholy o'clock and going to work in a shop. It's eating chips from a paper bag in front of the latest drama in East Enders. It's the highlight of her day being a pint in her local with football hooligans, handsy punters, in gaudy makeup, halter neck and killer high heels. But how could she feel that here? Here on the T.A.R.D.I.S.? Something so familiar, so normal, so ingrained but so forgotten? Trapped, complacent, autonomous with this magnificent man and his flying machine?

She sits bolt upright and stares at a surprised and amused Doctor but her expression is one of panic. Then there's the sting of acceptance and the knowledge that it's time to go home.

The Doctor took in her startled expression and look of realisation.

"Had an epiphany Rose? Was there a wise man with stardust in your dreams?"

In almost slow motion Rose inclined her head, felt her blood pumping through her veins, her heart thundering a staccato beat against her chest then all was silent and clear as her eyes un-misted and she looked at him and spoke the words she never thought she'd ever think never mind say.

"Doctor it's time you took me home."


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Everything has its Time (2/8)  
Pairing: Rose/Ten  
Spoilers: Set after 'Age of Steel'  
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery  
Rating: Teen for mature writing style  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and make no financial profit from this writing, just other kinds of profit!

Summary: Rose realises that it isn't the loss of Mickey that's hurting her but the feeling that she's lost the Doctor. One random morning on board the good ship T.A.R.D.I.S., Rose says the one thing she never thought she would ever say.

Chapter 1.

"_**Doctor it's time you took me home." **_

If hearts could do a double take his just did, both of them personifying themselves in their erratic 'Samba' rhythm.

The Doctor, who had been sprawled haphazardly over one side of the bed and half spilling onto the floor suddenly backed up and straightened as if burnt.

Like soaring too close to the Sun, the Doctor lived playing with fire and yet there was always surprise when it hurt. He was like a child realising for the very first time the dangers of a naked flame and for a moment that look of surprise and betrayal marred his carefully controlled features before he resolutely schooled his visage back to adulthood. The adult who remembers his lessons, remembers the pain, remembers these words, 'Take me home' but they sound foreign in his ears, like a fault in the translation circuits because the voice sounds like Rose Tyler, Dame Rose of the Powell Estate, Defender of the Earth, his Rose.

For a moment he wonders why he isn't laughing and joking at her tease but there's something there in her voice, her eyes, her face or rather something missing. Rose hasn't moved even with his startled reaction. She's somehow still holding his gaze and there's regret there, shock even and a maturity and calm that even he, at nine hundred years her senior, doesn't feel.

So this is how they're playing it? The requisite serious discussion, the packing, custody rights to their home, (hardly going to be contested) and the goodbye, the goodbye he's not ready to hear. But he's played this part many times before and already the conventional and safe, scripted dialogue is lining up for its cue. His expressions are training themselves into ones of patience, seriousness and understanding and he's bending his knee and coming to rest facing her on the bed.

When she sees these well practised actions she falters slightly beginning to fidget. She's aware that this is an act, the last scene before the final curtain and is suddenly aware of his years and how many reprisals of this role he must have made and feels a sickening guilt and stubbornness born out of the 'I told you so' in his eyes because she had laughed and thoughtlessly promised him forever when for him it was just a matter of Time.

In that instant, that realisation, she literally felt herself grow up like when you expect to feel suddenly older on the day of your birthday as if Time would change you so much between yesterday's midnight and today's dawn.

"Why?" He says because she's expecting him to ask and because he knows that she needs to tell him what he already knows and perhaps every time he hopes that he doesn't. _You're dangerous. You're a murderer. I need to settle down or I'll be old and lonely and have no life outside in the REAL world. _This is Rose Tyler, his fantastic, intelligent, inquisitive Rose, Oh let her surprise him just one last time.

"Because it's Time." There is a dullness and acceptance about the words and he thinks that she too is only going through the motions which make these words history even as they are being spoken. They should just leave, the decision made, but he can't bring himself not to stay and act a little longer.

"Time? Did I mention it also travels in Time? Time machine! Time Lord!" He gestures manically. "It can be any Time you want?"

She's smiling at him fondly but a shake of the head says, 'not this time'.

"Or no Time then. Can't we just be out of Time of a while? Just suspended in…" He shakes his head and closes his mouth strangely bereft and deflated. "…no Time." He finishes lamely and whispered almost like a prayer and he's still, he's staring at nothing or maybe something, something very important, something very real, something only he can see and then he's off again jumping off the bed with borrowed but familiar energy and heading for the door, almost running.

"No Time! No time like the present, right? Or past rather, or future depends how far we've drifted, yeah?"

He turns to smile at her; she hasn't moved; she's almost statuesque. He almost reaches for his sonic to see if the universe could be so kind, can keep her frozen until he figures out the right words to make her take it back.

His smile falters and he does something that he promised he never would (Always their choice) but he needs more, just a bit of a rise, a reaction. This dignified mute is not his Rose. He needs to know that she feels…feels something?

"Is it because of Mickey?" He blurts out.

"A little." She sighs as if expecting this. Surely she hasn't grown that accustomed to his mercurial shifts in mood?

_I didn't realise but it started before I lost Mickey. It started when I lost you._ And there it was. It wasn't the time travelling, alien landscapes the swashbuckling and running that gave her life more meaning than Henricks and poor old Wilson it was him and he'd gone and left her. Oh he was still physically here but after Sarah and Reinette and five and a half hours his very solidity seemed transient and growing in translucency like she was looking through merely an image of the man without depth, her perspective was now so altered.

She stands and pulls her rucksack from under the bed. She starts to fill it, not paying much attention to the task.

"You know it was his choice, right? What he wanted? Mickey the Idiot turning into Mickey the Man and needing to feel needed. That's so human."

"You think I didn't need him? That it's my fault that he didn't feel needed?"

He's quiet. He hadn't meant to suggest…but at least this is talking.

"If you didn't think I needed him then why invite him along? Huh?"

"He'd proved myself; not just the tin dog." That wistful tone riling Rose all the more as the Oncoming Storm made her feel like the hysterical woman exploding in a storm in a teacup.

"So? You didn't need him, always taunting him with that massive Time Lord brain of yours and you didn't need Sarah-Jane and you don't need me. I'm sick of being your chew toy, bringing some light relief and amusement."

Rose knew this was stupid but it felt like the T.A.R.D.I.S. was holding her breath waiting for something to happen so 'words, words, words' happened; words that made her voice break a little more than she hoped he noticed.

"Is that what this is about? Sarah-Jane? Are you jealous?" He strode over to her, eyes wild and hand halting hers, trying not to notice her grip going knuckle white on a pile of knickers.

"Oh don't be so simple! It's beneath you." She shoved him off.

"Me? You're the one that's jealous over my past. I'm nine hundred years old Rose, that's a lot of history, a lot of travelling. You're the one that's choosing to be a simple shop girl, stuck on a simple planet in a simple time…"

"Well I suppose it's not seventeenth century Versailles…"

Her hand shot to cover any other bitterness erupting because she wasn't leaving because she was bitter; she was leaving because she wasn't, not anymore.

"That was different." He bit back.

"Yeah, it was. Very different. You were so…different." She quieted the fight flown from her.

"Reinette…" (Still she felt herself start slightly at the name.) "…had a huge role to play in the history of your world. I had to save her to preserve the timelines. Protect and serve that's me. How was that different in fact I think I'm getting too 'the same', too predictable, maybe it's time to shake things up again, try a different garden vegetable! A tuber; great word tuber or how about a ridiculously long scarf though the ridiculously long coat is easy enough to trip on that's why I had to compensate with the converse seeing as how jeopardy friendly my companion is…was. Is that it? Am I boring? Rude, not ginger and boring? Old war veteran syndrome? Check on the war, check on the old, weeellll, that's relative but if I was your relative I'd be relatively dead at lead ten times over. Just one to go then and I'll be dead to you."

He was pacing and ruffling and even Rose was starting to fear for his mental state but she also knew him and knew this and this was deflecting.

"It WAS different…" She cleared her throat and he spun to look at her, slightly crestfallen that she hadn't bought his rouse.

"It was different because this time you left me behind like the tin dog, like the 'stupid ape', like last year's sonic screwdriver. Typical man; they see something shiny and new and…"

"I'm not a man, Rose."

"Yeah, maybe I finally realise that." She stilled looking tired, even though she was still in her P.J.s.

"You are so much to so many Doctor but you're not enough to me 'cause in some ways even Mickey could give me more than you could even with the T.A.R.D.I.S. and the stars, maybe that's why you love humans. You're jealous because you can never love like a human."

"Seems like you're the one that's got tired of her shiny new toy. You all use me and you leave. What more can you possibly want from me?"

With that scathing reply he hoisted her pack onto his shoulder and stormed out of the room heading for the console.

Rose stood there empty and exhausted. She shouldn't have said that; that's why she didn't want to argue because things 'get said'. He was enough; he was more than enough; in fact he was too much and maybe that was the problem; he was far too much to ever belong to just one person.

She let go and calmed down. This is how she would leave him; how Rose and the Doctor in the T.A.R.D.I.S. would end, not in a bang but with a whimper.

She breathed.

Thirty seconds later the T.A.R.D.I.S. pitched violently to the left and she fell; a shower of sparks bursting from her overhead mirror light as her head collided with the glass. It splintered and cracks grew like in the future, or past, at Canary Wharf, the holes of the universe, growing, expanding like the holes in her heart.

A smear of blood seeped into the newly forming fissures and she watched it pool as she fell unconscious.

When she woke up some time later it wasn't the dried blood, the splitting headache or pricks of glass that disturbed her most, it was that she was cold, it was so dark and all around her was nothing but deafening silence.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Everything has it's Time (3/8)  
Pairing: Rose/Ten  
Spoilers: Set after 'Age of Steel'  
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery  
Rating: Teen for mature writing style  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and make no financial profit from this writing, just other kinds of profit!

Summary: Rose realises that it isn't the loss of Mickey that's hurting her but the feeling that she's lost the Doctor. One random morning on board the good ship T.A.R.D.I.S., Rose says the one thing she never thought she would ever say.

_Chapter 2_

_Part of Rose's reason for leaving was the building feeling of doom that settled each time with the materialising T.A.R.D.I.S. that the Doctor would open the door and she'd be 'home', no explanations or proper good-byes; he'd feign it was accidental but at some point he just wouldn't come back. That was the sort of man he was._

_But now she called for him._

"Doctor?"

How instinctive that word was, even saying it made her feeling better. She coughed and tried again. There seemed to be a lot of dust particles wafting in the atmosphere. Where was she? What happened?

Fear seized in her chest as she remembered and ironically it wasn't the fear that the Doctor would fulfil her request, that this was some sick parting shock, her Aberdeen but rather that the Doctor hadn't left her but hadn't come to her either. How long was she out? Was he ok? Where was he?

She realised then that she still trusted him a lot more than she wanted to believe. It was easier to demonise him, after all he'd left her on a rust bucket of a space ship, left Sarah-Jane even left Reinette. He didn't care and she couldn't keep caring.

Sitting up hurt a lot more than was reasonable. The blood pumped and echoed in her ears in sympatric rhythm to the throbbing of her head. She swallowed down the bile rising in her throat and steadied herself letting her head droop again a little.

She could see faint green lines emanating from through the door, still ajar, and if she concentrated she could just hear the soft fizzle of static neon gases. She edged on hands and knees towards the light keeping her head low to fight off the dizziness and her sluggish movements.

She followed the parallel glow, like aeroplane emergency strip lighting, for what seemed like hours shuffling heavily with rasping and congested breaths.

Everything smelt burnt and singed with a metallic tang in the air though also the taste and odour of something almost organic hung like soot above her.

As endorphins and adrenalin started to kick in she quickened her pace, pausing less, thinking less and yet still too much.

She remained low as trying to stand hurt but also the thickness in the air made it harder for her breathe and deflected and obscured the light leaving her blind.

After what seemed like an eternity she saw real, natural light up ahead and so stood and urged herself towards the source.

In moments she was in what used to be the console room. Sparks scattered like rain upon machinery, everything was dim, charred, breaking or broken and a smell like wet dog hung in the synthesised atmosphere. Several empty buckets and spent fire extinguishers littered ruptured, jawed gratings. Something hissed and belched smoke but was hidden by the eerily still Time rotor.

The light was coming from the open doorway. A glaring mid-winter sun was low in the sky, rays falling halfway down the Bobbie blue wooden frame. It cast a long, sleek shadow of a crouched man, the weirdly elongated portrait not quite distinct or evolved enough to paint in brown pin stripes but still familiar.

Barely breathing she took a couple of steps toward him, shuffling and tripping through wild serpentine cables with hissing electric tongues and random unrecognisable debris.

He didn't turn but after a moment he did speak.

"I can't take you home, Rose." Oh how often she's dreamed that these words would be the climax of an argument they were always destined to have.

Even in this abject chaos her body reacted first with hope until the dejection and despair in his weary timbre shook her again back to reality.

As in her fantasies though, she moved closer and uttered that one word which was usually laced with expectation and excitement, now in concern and sympathy, "Why?"

He didn't answer. She wasn't sure he had even heard. He just kept staring stoically forwards.

She drew up behind him placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder and followed his gaze.

Ambers and muted yellow sunbeams danced off a wet, dappled path that looked to be in the middle of a small park. Deciduous trees, naked and bare, lined the square while grey metal railings blocked it in. An old stone statue of a mossy angel stood trickling water into the surrounding basin, the centrepiece where the four paths terminated and a light drizzle moistened the air, weather beaten flowers and shrubs.

"She's dying." These quiet words of a lost boy diverted her gaze back to the top of a head of tussled brown hair.

The Doctor sniffed and stared at the ground.

"What happened?" Rose began, softly yet engagingly with parental patience and encouragement.

"Oh, she's been running on emergency power pretty much since I stole…liberated her."

"You stole her?"

"Convicted felon me! What would your mother say?" He chuckled mirthlessly at his own joke and then realising the irony in his own words, repeated again with a sigh, "I can't take you home, Rose. I promised I'd always…"

He shook slightly like an involuntary spasm had taken control of his body.

He stood.

"Last stop! Final destination. Everybody out. Ding ding!" His shoulders slumped his hands right into his waiting pockets and finally he turned to look at her.

"I'm sorry." What else could she say?

His chagrined hysteria shifted immediately as concern and affection washed over his face. He reached out tentatively to stroke her locks and than bolder.

"You're hair? You're bleeding Rose?"

His tone was almost accusatory, a 'why didn't you tell me', as the trusty sonic was unsheathed and adjusted. She tried to bat it away but he was back to business and she indulged him with this distraction.

Her eyes were wide and piercing. "I'm fine, honest."

She wasn't; she still felt nauseous and her head was killing her but relatively speaking, given the situation, she was fine.

"I can't see properly in this light."

Frustrated he strode into the overwhelming darkness of the T.A.R.D.I.S., flicked a few switches, set off something that whirred and wheezed and emerged again carrying her back pack. He pulled out the first mismatched set of clothes he found and handed them to her, averting as eyes.

"We have to get out of here. Find a base of operations, somewhere to stay so I can take a proper look at you."

It was then Rose finally realised that she was still in her pyjamas though as she looked down she registered that they were now almost indecently torn, blackened and bloodied. She felt a little sickened herself at the sight of her own state and quickly pulled on the clothes as a block and reassurance for both their sakes.

She lighted her hand gently on his shoulder to signal she was ready and without another word the travellers, a misnomer as they were now contradictorily grounded, exited their home and locked the door. The lonely, empty T.A.R.D.I.S. sighed a mournful groan.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Everything has it's Time (4/8)  
Pairing: Rose/Ten  
Spoilers: Set after 'Age of Steel'  
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery  
Rating: Teen for mature writing style  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and make no financial profit from this writing, just other kinds of profit!

Summary: Rose realises that it isn't the loss of Mickey that's hurting her but the feeling that she's lost the Doctor. One random morning on board the good ship T.A.R.D.I.S., Rose says the one thing she never thought she would ever say.

Chapter 3

It was Earth she though, though judging from the more sober attire, the gas lamps flickering to life in the dying sun and the notable absence of planes, trains and automobiles (well at least that weren't steam powered) she guessed she was at least a hundred years out of her time.

The Doctor and Rose walked slowly and in silence; ghostly figures unnoticed and unaided. One arm held her firmly about the waist and she sagged against him grateful for the support.

Moisture clung to their clothes, globules of rainwater that trickled softly and gently down cheeks, wool and cotton and Rose shivered involuntarily as the sun withdrew what little warmth it had bestowed upon the cold Earth.

The Doctor tightened his grip and steered them in seamless unison toward a white washed tavern with dark wooden foundations and support beams, slightly tarnished from seasons of abrasive weather. The windows were small and quaint and beamed with a welcoming glow. Muffled voices and clinking glassware rumbled from the top of an open half door.

They pushed inside ignoring the sudden hushing silence and the Doctor, looking every bit the rumpled drowned rodent complete with sleekit, spiky mop, winded though the punters and pints toward the gruff but kindly looking barkeep.

"You're new to these parts."

It wasn't a question.

"We don't get many strangers here since Abbotsworth became the quickest route to the city."

"Yes, well, my...wife and I got a little lost on our journey. Our transport decided to well, pack it in. Our fault for taking the sequitus route and stopping to sight see. Where are we by the way?"

Rose was still clinging limping like a barnacle; her face buried under a pin stripped arm. She didn't much feel like reprising her Shiver to his Shake expect in the most literal sense and with the Doctor more withdrawn and subdued than she'd ever seen him, the repartee lacked its usual lustre. Plus in her current state of attire she was more concerned with being misconstrued as a 'lady of the night' and felt that shy and demur was more appropriate. The tender, however, couldn't fail to notice the trail of red encrusted and dying her incongruous peroxide locks.

"You're in Barrowsville and we don't want no trouble though if you're looking for it you'll find it. Seems the missus (the Doctor didn't miss the knowing look) and you have come to the wrong town sir."

The false politeness and syllabic stresses of this address were also not lost upon the Doctor. His shoulders slumped and he exhaled an age old sigh.

"Fine!" He exclaimed ratter loudly holding up his hands and turning slowly to the room at large in a demonstrative and worn manner.

"Truth?" He leaned in conspiratorially, his elbows on the counter, towards the proprietor quirking an eyebrow. Hesitantly the gesture was reciprocated.

"I'm an agent of her majesty (hopefully 'her'), a spy and this young lady is in my mission. She was an exotic dancer in an eastern harem and has invaluable information concerning developmental international weaponry. The catch is now that her absence has been noticed foreign assailants have been dispatched to this country to try to intercept us before we can deliver the information. We can't take any of the main trade routes and I won't take her to the authorities until I'm certain she's safe. You see I kind of, well, I've come to care for her a great deal.

She collapsed earlier from exhaustion, whacked her noggin for the ground. I don't know how serious it is. I don't know if we'll make it through tomorrow alive and please, I just want to give her one last night to show her that I'll forget her."

The Doctor's throat caught in a sob and he dried his 'tears' on a slop cloth before finishing off with his cutest most kicked puppy expression.

The dumbfounded and oddly frozen gruff giant simply nodded and handed over a key from behind the bar.

The Doctor broke into a grin and clasped his hands in melodramatic vigour.

"Thank you. Thank you and good night."

"Good luck with that and the other." A dazed voice shouted after them as the Doctor pulled Rose to the back of the bar and up a spiral staircase to the guest rooms.

She leans in to whisper. "Hmm...What do we need luck for?"

"Espionage and the sex of course." The Doctor tripped jovially past her now shunned form and pushed his way into the room.

About two minutes later his head emerged from around the door and stared at her down the hall. "What?"


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Everything has it's Time (5/8)  
Pairing: Rose/Ten  
Spoilers: Set after 'Age of Steel'  
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery  
Rating: Teen for mature writing style  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and make no financial profit from this writing, just other kinds of profit!

Summary: Rose realises that it isn't the loss of Mickey that's hurting her but the feeling that she's lost the Doctor. One random morning on board the good ship T.A.R.D.I.S., Rose says the one thing she never thought she would ever say.

Chapter 4.

He seemed a little manic and cheerful even for him when, not half and hour prior to this outburst, he looked woefully downtrodden and the picture of misery.

He was all bubbly business as he scanned her properly and patched her up whilst rambling a mile a minute about the origins of weird twentieth century idiomatic phrases. "…and why are you sick as a dog? Are dogs particularly noted for being sick a lot?"

Rose would have said that this was some predictable, denial phase as researched in some psychological journal expect he was a Time Lord and never adhered to convention especially not psychological trends. He could only be categorised by the rules insofar as he was always the exception to them.

However, he threw himself into dismantling and modifying the room while giving, Rose a running commentary to try to keep her conscious. It was like he couldn't stop, had to do, to accomplish something or maybe just expend so much energy that when he finally did stop all he could do was sleep and not think. I mean he actually resorted to using the sonic screwdriver as a screwdriver. This was bad. Rose knew that this was very bad.

She tried any number of, 'Doctors? Come sit downs.' or, 'I'm not feeling too goods' and even, 'My head hurts and this noise is making it worses'. It wasn't until, Rose streaked past him to hurl in the bathroom that he properly registered her presence.

He came up behind her and leaned against the door frame looking guilty.

"I'm sorry. You're…that could've…you're deathly pale and bleeding and humans are so silly, so fragile and there's nothing I can do. I can't take you back to the T.A.R.D.I.S.; the med bay has post power. If something bad happens to you I can't save you and I can't even take you home. I can't look at you, your eyes, still so full of trust. I don't want to see myself reflected in them…what I've done."

He was crying now, really crying and slipping into a puddle down the wall, hiding his face.

Alarmed and filled with concern and empathy, Rose crawled toward him and tried to get him to move his hands away from the death grip on his head.

"And you're sick. You don't need this. Don't need me like this. You could be dying, Rose…?" He looked at her then, eyes puffy, red giants on the brink of a supernova.

He looked so shocked and lost but then he swallowed, rubbed his eyes on his jacket sleeve and made to stand.

"And you shouldn't have to see me like this."

"It's ok."

"Why?"

"Because it's you."

He sniffed, bringing himself under control and gently stroked her cheek before letting his hand fall, like a dead weight, back to his side. He turned to go but, Rose grabbed him and enveloped him in a tight embrace, planting kisses in his ruffled hair and softly rocking him when he fell pliant in her arms.

"The last thing you need is to worry about me. I'm fine. _I'm always fine_. You've taught me to be strong and live life no matter what it throws at you." Rose encouraged.

He pulled back to stare at her. "Oh Rose, what have I done to you?"

Some latest revelation inside his own mind seemed to hurt him more than anything else.

"You made me better." She tired, as she felt salty wells fill to breach the dam.

"You were so perfect all on your own." He traced the lines of her cheek bones, one hand craving intimacy as the other held her shoulder width apart.

"But I was all on my own. I had no chance to be me, the me you showed me I could be."

"You had Mickey, your mum and…and now. Oh I'm so sorry, Rose."

For the first time, Rose actually processed the situation. What it meant for her and for the Doctor. His home, the last link to his people, his means of escape that allowed him to run across the stars fixing civilisations and saving lives and being brilliant was, was… She could barely think but she needed to know, to protect him, to help.

"She's really dying?"

The Doctor flopped down on the forgotten bed; the dejected look once again firmly in place and what's worse there was an acceptance there that she never thought she'd see from him. He'd given up.

"Yeah."

She saw that look last night as well. Was it only last night? She tugged him down beside her and held him loosely, as he gazed resolutely at the ceiling, refusing to meet her eyes.

It was gone 2am. She was exhausted but too scared and emotional to sleep. Eventually he rolled unto his side away form her. She thought she heard him mumble something like, 'I've lost you both.' but she was too tired to really process anything.

She wrapped her arm around his middle and whispered into his feather hair. "I'm still here." It wasn't until she eventually succumbed to sleep that he replied.

"Now. But I've already lost you. Maybe that's how it should be, out of Time and alone. Maybe that's what I deserve but somehow Rose, I promise, I promise I'll get you home."


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Everything has it's Time (6/8)  
Pairing: Rose/Ten  
Spoilers: Set after 'Age of Steel'  
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery  
Rating: Teen for mature writing style  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and make no financial profit from this writing, just other kinds of profit!

Summary: Rose realises that it isn't the loss of Mickey that's hurting her but the feeling that she's lost the Doctor. One random morning on board the good ship T.A.R.D.I.S., Rose says the one thing she never thought she would ever say.

So SORRY I haven't posted in a while I've been on my hols - camping in England! Ek! Well after wind tunnel and rain and deflatting air matresses and hard ground I still had a blast but had no internet so I'm sorry about the wait but will hopefully get the next chapter up soon as compensation and as long as I can find my last chapter - how do you lose a chapter? I'll keep up the posting! Thanks so much to everyone who has R&Red - means so much as i haven't really shared much of what I've written before - anyway on to Chapter 5...enjoy!

Chapter 5

Dawn spilt a Chantilly lace pattern over the beige walls and Rose stirred pulling the heavy blankets further under her chin. Her brain tried to process why she was cold and shivering and she realised she was alone.

She sat bolt upright, a cautioning throb in her head advising slow motion. The Doctor was sitting by the window looking out over the square. She knew where.

"I can't hear her anymore." He spoke almost fondly as if in reminiscence.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

Neither moved.

"I stayed awake monitoring you, there was no danger, the effects of the concussion are minimal now."

"That's not what I meant."

"It's ok."

Rose felt it wasn't. "What does that mean?"

"You were injured, probably lucky, but still injured and you needed to rest."

The early morning sun made his complexion almost ghostly and still.

"No, that you can't hear her?"

She watched little dust particles dance and swim in the diffused light until they settled in their new home.

"It's not a good sign."

He looked so maudlin, subdued and quiet, like a man out of Time, suspended in some moment in his own mind or like Narcissus studying his own reflection until he wizened, though not out of vanity, perhaps out of shame. Years seemed to pass him by until he died with still no further illumination.

It was disconcerting to see the Doctor like this and yet Rose seemed stagnated herself by the mood, moving heavily, slowly to sit by his feet and speaking in hushed prolonged tones like they were under water and slowly drowning though not seeming to notice.

"What happened?"

There was a prolonged pause.

"She just stopped; literally fell out of the vortex like there was a sudden EMP. Sorry, electromagnetic pulse."

"I know. I watch Jack Bauer." Awkward humour didn't work.

"Something just cut all her systems. Luckily we were already on a trajectory to a humanoid planet."

"Was there?"

"Was there what?"

"An electromagnetic pulse?"

"No something so primitive wouldn't affect her anyway."

"But something did, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"But that's good. We just have to find out what it was and fix it, yeah?"

He didn't seem enthused.

"Yeah."

"No I mean yes, yes of course!"

If this exchange had been in slow motion it had now escalated to double time as the Doctor jumped up and pulled on his coat in one motion and with one intent – the door. He took a last look out the window and Rose briefly thought he might actually try to jump through it as the quickest possible route to his destination but then he was gone.

"Wait!"

After grabbing her jacket and a quick search for her keys, as always adding a little more practically and forethought to his whirling dervish and she was after him; running down the wooden stairs and through the now eerily vacant bar, stools stacked on tables like toy soldiers awaiting battle.

She raced across the square to that wonderful blue box pulling her key from around her neck. The doors were closed but that was to be expected. She fitted her trusty yale in the lock but it wouldn't budge. She gave it a bit more elbow grease and tried rattling it but nothing happened. Bemused she took a step back as if sizing up the problem. It was then that she noticed it, her ruck-sack was propped casually against the blue peeling door.

Her heart sank, she felt winded like she'd received a physical blow to the stomach.

_So this is it? My Aberdeen. _ His too? She thought.

She'd asked to leave; she'd packed and now he'd literally locked her out of her beautiful time and space hopping home. No goodbyes; he was that sort of man.

She felt guilty, of course he didn't trust her in his ship again, didn't trust her full stop, she'd given up on him, on them.

Absently she swung her pack onto her shoulder and something clattered, span and ran along between the cobbles – money.

Suddenly all Rose could think of was sitting with Shareen, a petulant, protesting, Mickey and a crate of beer, watching a pirated copy of 'Moulin Rouge'.

"I have paid my whore."

Anger bubbled through her. She felt so used, cast aside and worthless. A worthless London shop girl. A dime a dozen. Someone the mighty Time Lord could impress; some silly human who'd be awe struck, eager to please and stroke his ego, even fall madly in love. She did her job and now she's be replaced.

Tears burnt in her eyes. She knew she wasn't being fair. He didn't understand how weak, emotional and attached these simple humans could become. He just wanted some company and in return he gave her the stars, a business relationship, a temporary post that she'd grown out of or become bored with. He never promised her forever and couldn't be expected to.

She had tired to prevent this pain but found that it still came as a shock, standing on the outside looking in like she had done her entire life. He'd never mention her; he'd forget her and oh he'd travel again, he was a genius after all, he would find a way but it wouldn't be with her.

How could you miss someone so much who was right in front of you?

Oh she was stupid, a stupid ape, a stupid foolish girl. Did she really think it could hurt any more than this right now? Did she think that a few more years would have made a difference to the pain? Didn't she know that it was already too late for her to walk away and survive unscathed? What really did leaving prevent except a few more years to readjust to live as an ordinary human girl? Was not one minute with him, his smile, just for her, worth all her years?

She could have put up with not being special nor unique. She could have understood that sophisticated, intelligent courtesans would always fascinate and turn his eye. He needed that kind of stimulus, challenge and equality, after all that's why he travelled. He was worth the monsters even the internal monsters that lure and snarl and claw at your very skin and being.

It would have broken her heart but at least but at least it would have been gradual, planned as she matured and not sudden, not wrenching like this and she could have made a difference, shown that lonely angel a little love and seen things beyond mankind's limited imagination.

She'd left because she thought she had lost him but the reality was much more cruel for now he'd literally gone and she…? Rose couldn't breathe, couldn't hink, somewhere she was aware of her heart shattering and that she was hyperventilating, dizzy and then she was unconscious.

From across the street the barman saw the strange yellow girl just stop and drop and he hoped that the young man had given her one last amazing night.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6

Hours later, after dusk had long since settled, birds had migrated to their nightly perches and the stars had emerged bright and victorious over the darkness of the bitter winter sky, the Doctor eased his way as quietly as possible back into the old time hotel room.

He had soldered, welded, tinkered and fused all day and most of the night but finally he had to concede that the thinner oxygenation levels in the wounded T.A.R.D.I.S. were starting to make even his superior respiratory bypass system labour for breathe and his muscles were growing heavy, burning lactic acid, his throat dry and parched and his stomach tight and angry.

He stole some food from the kitchen downstairs and hoped that Rose had worked out the currency he'd left her. He was far too excited and buzzing that morning to stop for a history lesson.

Valuing this rest-bite before she'd eventually leave him, he snuggled in beside her under the covers and she adorably snuffled in her sleep, throwing an arm across his chest. She was so beautiful. He drank in her sleep clad features in the dim light burning them to his inner eye like a permanent photograph. Soon, however, sleep had him under siege. He was so exhausted and so with a muttered 'good night, my Rose', he let it claim him.

When Rose awoke the next morning there was an unfamiliar weight atop her waist. She wriggled out from under it and sat up to catch her bearings as had become her instinctive ritual upon waking and not hearing the comforting thrum of the T.A.R.D.I.S. Where was she this time?

Suddenly she remembered and let out a small, squeaking sob as a fresh tear began to pool like Saturn's glistening rings under her hazel orbs. Her face was still tight from those that had fallen and dried the night before.

"Rose, Rose what is it?" A dishevelled figure quickly roused itself and intently met her bright eyes.

She squeaked again although this time in surprise.

"Rose, what's wrong?" Genuine concern laced the rumbling voice, still hoarse from sleep.

"You!" She pointed.

"Me?" He pointed and quirked an eyebrow in confusion and slight amusement.

"You're here?"

"And you're squeaking!" he chuckled, looking adorable under a bed head fringe.

"Sorry." she started and lowered her index finger.

"It's rude to point." he said.

"Well that's me, rude and not ginger." she barked out a hysterical laugh that ended in shuddering tears.

The Doctor was mid chuckle when he noticed the shift and pulled her to him.

"Shush, Rose, talk to me." He rocked her gently and awkwardly, both sets of legs still trapped beneath the bulky, winter blanket.

Finally she stilled in his arms and drew in a few calming breathes.

"I thought you'd gone." she muttered into his tear damp chest.

"Gone? Gone where, Rose? Did you have a nightmare?"

She pushed herself up, bracing a hand on his shoulder.

"No. Gone as in, left me."

She almost laughed at the confused expression on the brilliant but ignorant Time Lord's face. She was feeling a little light headed, giddy and not a little confused herself.

"Where could I go? We're stranded, remember? The T.A.R.D.I.S. is right there." He gestured wildly in the general vicinity, though visually impeded by a stone wall with a garish painting of a horse and hound oil.

He was giving her one of those, 'have we ingested any weird alien drugs again?' looks though a little hurt was also seeping through.

For her part, Rose stared at him like he couldn't possibly be there, a miracle in brown pin-stripe.

"You can leave someone and still be standing right in front of them." She clarified stoically.

"What?" There was definitely hurt there now.

"I went to the T.A.R.D.I.S., it was locked, and my bag was outside with some spare change."

"But I told you; in her condition the T.A.R.D.I.S. wasn't safe."

Rose stared blankly at him.

"No you didn't."

"Didn't I? Well I meant to."

God, this man was infuriating. He looked perplexed for a beat and then horrified as he realised what she thought.

"You thought…" His wide eyes nodded with her head as she put as much disbelief and aggravation into the gesture as possible.

"Oh."

"Oh indeed." As confounding as the man was she couldn't stop her lips twitching into a smile in utter relief and affection for the clueless brainiak.

Her smile made him smile until, "Oi!" His expression turned upset and reproachful.

"You really think I'd just abandon you like that?"

"Thought that was your M.O.?"

"After all this time together you really think that I don't see, that I don't care, that I'm incapable and jealous of 'human love' as you put it?"

She winced, hearing the acidity of her words with fresh ears.

"No. I guess I just thought, you'd done what I asked and didn't want to say 'goodbye'. So you went for the subtle hint of the packed bag and locked door. For someone who talks a LOT, I know that you find talking difficult."

With Rose already dizzy with his mood swings, he morphed again and spoke in that curious detective way of his.

"Rose, I know I'm over nine hundred years old and may be getting senile but I could have sworn your impressive war wound, lumpy bump head thing, was on the other side yesterday?"

She could see his hand edging toward a pocketed screwdriver obviously ready to expose her as a counterfeit, body snatching, changeling Slitheen or something.

"It was. I mean is. I got one to match. You know how I like to accessorize."

"Huh?" Out came the 'brainy specs'.

"Oh alright! I fainted, yesterday, just dropped, right outside the T.A.R.D.I.S. Must've jumped out of bed too quickly or something."

He scrutinised her with a concerned, furrowed brow and started his medical man impersonation. Pupil dilation, pulse rate, probing of the cranium and poking of the substantial bruise.

"Aowww!" She grabbed his finger.

"Rose, I need that to poke…"

"Stop poking me!"

"Oh! Yes! Right! Sorry."

She needed to distract him and in the absence of bananas, jam or shiny alien knick-knacks, she plopped for… "So how's the T.A.R.D.I.S.?"

He visibly slumped a little and she mentally kicked herself mouthing a silent, 'tactful'.

"I was so excited yesterday, so sure. I went looking for _her EMP_, not literally of course but there are alternative temporal anomalies that could have spiked her out of the Vortex. Even a T.A.R.D.I.S. isn't invulnerable to Time or universal energies. Though the few possible explanations didn't bear thinking about. They're impossible anyway with my people gone."

He was drifting to some place else again in contemplation. She could see his eyes clouding over, losing their chocolate sparkle. She didn't know where he was journeying but she was sure it was cold and dark.

"You use that word way too freely." She laughed and he came back to her.

"Well there aren't enough superlative synonyms in your primitive English thesaurus plus I like hyperbole. Impossible is a very grandiose word and makes the situation more dramatic and me more brilliant when I overcome it. Because if there's one thing I am, Rose Tyler, it's brilliant!" He wiggled his impressive eyebrows at her and smirked at the obligatory eye-roll.

"Is brilliant a downgrade from fantastic? I mean is it like fantastic then brilliant, great, pretty good? How long 'til mediocre?"

"Shut your mouth, young lady." he tapped her on the nose like a misbehaved pet dog.

"It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to be mediocre." he grimaced at the word like it offended his talented, taste buds and maybe it did.

She humoured him with a theatrical yawn, their normal repartee which, in turn, won his instinctive, sullenly pout and she giggled at his facial gymnastics. God, she missed him.

"No, but seriously" he continued. "If that were the case, the whole universe would be on red alert!"

"Mauve!" she corrected and he scowled at her smug grin.

"Ok so 'apocalypse now' isn't happening now then?"

"Weelll, now's relative as we might be now, later and have a travesty to avert next in the now, sometime in the when but not until our now becomes then."

"Semantics!" she sighed and glanced a blow off his shoulder.

"Oh big word, Tyler! Do you know what it means?" So she hit him again.

"You're perkier!"

"Weelll, she's a little more stable and you were so upset when you thought I left you, even though you apparently wanted to leave or does it matter who leaves who?" he teased.

"Of course it does. But I said 'it was time' not that I wanted to go."

He sobered at this and a silence fell upon them. She was still going then?

"Can I see her?" she whispered almost reverently.

"Of course you can!"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

On entering the T.A.R.D.I.S. the rambling began.

"…I set emergency power and atmospheric filtration before we left so all the Traxion gas, smoke and air-born debris has been neutralised but she's still so weak that I had to shut down all non-essential systems. It was too cold for you yesterday and the oxygen to nitrogen ratio wasn't exactly human friendly and I won't even start on the Helmick regulator or the Atriax wheel barrow that's spiralling 2.367 degrees to the right, no sorry, the left…"

Rose's brow quirked in amusement and a shy smile graced her lips. She felt nervous and awkward. Why? This was the Doctor, her best friend, a man who had seen her in morning strops, in yellow Lycra on that planet with the weird humidity and pink rain, at her most vulnerable and most brave and still she felt like a school girl on a first date, all clumsy and lanky, sport's day legs around an older, college jock. The Doctor and jock really shouldn't be in the same mental train of thought. It was definitely puffing away from the station and heading to heartbreak creak.

"…I mended as much as I could so all spatial and navigational relays are operational, even the kettle should work but the problem is, even when I've fixed everything, she doesn't have the power to run it. I still have no idea what caused the shut down. There was no obvious damage that couldn't have occurred from accelerated transit or the crash landing. So even if I can extrapolate her power supply there's no guarantee it won't just happen again and the first thing to fail would be her shielding. She'd be obliterated if we weren't close enough to a planetoid for emergency re-materialisation."

Rose shook off the butterflies and looked around properly. She remembered all those woeful movies her mum would force her to watch on 'True Movies'. They'd sit and cry from start to finish. She remembers the night she had to run down to the corner shop in her jammies when they ran out of toilet roll having forgot to buy a new box of tissues for their maudlin, movie marathon.

In almost all of those films there would be at least one scene in a hospital room. It would be so white and clinical and the starched, cotton, bed linen would hide a weak, fragile, human body suffocating in wires, bruising I.V. needles, oxygen masks and loomed over by copious machines going 'bleep'. The poor form seemed more machine than man and as she glanced warily around the T.A.R.D.I.S. the inverse was true. The once manically organised mechanics and systems looked like blood and gore from septic, spurting wounds. Sparks and oil and strange viscous fluids pooled like a human's life force through the gratings and fool smelling smoke and ash belched from the deep, obscured innards. She was a mess, broken and still breaking and the Doctor's patch up jobs looked like inefficient band aids hurriedly administered on a foreign war field.

Rose shuddered and held back the cry of disgust and protective fear that threatened to scream from her throat.

"Even if I do travel again, I can't risk taking you with me. Not that you'd want to come of course. You've made that quite clear. But I mean I can't even take you home, Rose back to your mum and your world and…and not that it really matters now, except it does, why are you leaving me, again?"

Rose's mind reeled at the sudden shift in conversion and the equality sudden shift in the Doctor's timeless eyes. Did she really have to have this conversation now in the midst of so much sorrow? She tried to deflect.

"Ohhh, personal pronoun there, that's a bit self-absorbed ain't it? Bordering on domestic, I'd say."

He wasn't biting which surprised her. It wasn't like the Doctor to rehash an argument especially one that was potentially emotional and very personal.

"Ok! Why do you want to go home?"

He stood there, arms crossed, in the sickly glow of the Time Rotor that occasionally rumbled and shifted with jarring spasms.

"It's time." She sobered with almost stoic statuesque, her frame stolid and stiff.

"It's time? It's time? What does that mean, time? Since when do you talk in riddles, Rose?"

"S'not a riddle. S'just my answer."

He advanced on her, squeezing her personal space. She folded her arms and stood against the oncoming storm.

"It's not an answer. It's the avoidance of an answer. Answers come with information and explanations not more questions."

"Well yeah, you'd know all about that."

"What does that mean?"

Silence.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I though that was a rhetorical question. Didn't realise you were just being deliberately fascist…hmmm…thick!"

"Facetious and no, I really want to know?"

His eyes implored her but his mouth sneered in that menacing way his ninth face would sometimes contort when angry and defensive.

"If this is a game…" she stuttered.

"I'm not playing." His voice was low and dangerous.

Rose puffed out a huge, laboured exhale and braced herself for some truth telling.

"You love to talk, like words are the salt and vinegar of sentences for your tongue and not just for chips. You're always hungry but that's because your words are empty. How can a man say so much and say nothing? How can you know so much and be so blind?" she calmed a little. "Some words just need saying s'all.

"You always say, 'words have power' and they do, Doctor. They can mean so much and without them you could filibuster for Klom and still feel lonely."

"You think I choose to be lonely? Then you know nothing of loneliness."

"Maybe not but I'm learning more every day…Argh! It's just time."

There was no point getting angry again and making the situation even more heart-breaking.

"I'm just getting too attached to this life and (you)…I have to leave."

Rose could see his mind processing the problem like a chemical formula and a conclusion seemed to spark.

As the words and their connotations sank in, he remembered something he'd meant to address and needed to understand.

"Why does it make a difference which of us ends this?"

'_Ends this?' _Somewhere in the back of his mind this choice of phrase ricocheted with domesticity and meaning that he felt powerless to understand but it was there like an itch or a secret, bustling like tumbleweeds through the vast chasm of his experience.

"Because if YOU ask ME to go it's because you don't..." Rose swallowed and tried again. "You don't want me around anymore and it'll feel like it's my fault, that I did something wrong to make you not…like spending time with me anymore."

He made to inject but she hastened on.

"But when I say I want to go it'll never be because I don't want to be with you. S'just life goes on outside of this strange, wooden box, people move on, absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it makes it forget."

"Forget me?"

"S'too late for that, though I know you'll forget me. I just need to be young enough to grow accustomed to a different way of life again. To not miss this…you, quite so much. To have somewhere to go before my mates grow up and my mum decides she won't wait anymore. 'Cause in here I'll always be, Rose Tyler, 19, shop girl. That's where my life stopped for all those that know me and how can I turn up and be, Rose Tyler, 30, unemployed and still have a place in their lives without the memories and bits in between?"

That's not all of course, that's just the logical answer but he's nodding absently and seeming to except it though she can't, not just yet. Rose trails her fingertips lightly across his cheek and strokes at his side burns, her eyes following her actions until she steals herself to look in his eyes and finds herself begging him for something with her wistful stare.

"When you leave me, Doctor, what do I do?" Even to her own ears she sounds like a frightened child.

"Who says I'd ever leave you? But when you leave me then you live, Rose Tyler. You have a fantastic life."

"Without you?"

"Oh, Rose, have some faith. It's not me that makes you brilliant, that's all, Rose Tyler. After all I only take the best." He offers a small smile.

Rose pulls away from the trance.

"But words, language, are relative." He smiles at her intelligent deduction with pride.

"A fantastic life for me no longer means what Shareen, Keisha, Mickey or mum would think of as a fantastic life. You take these human companions and make real living mediocre.

"When I was young I used to love fairy tales - believe anything me. Now I know they exist. I've lived in the stars, laughed and ran through my wildest dreams and now I believe that anything is possible except the fairy tales biggest lie of all, 'and they all loved happily ever after'."

"Oh, Rose…"

She gazed at him then with such intensity that his hearts thundered in his chest. She seemed on the brink of tears and for once he was struck by the worlds of wisdom and passion in her young eyes.

"I'd stay. I'd stay forever if I could. Wouldn't worry bout my life out there, that's just an excuse 'cause you're not only worth the monsters, Doctor, you're worth the worthlessness that comes after, that comes with my Aberdeen." He cringed at the reference.

"I'd stay and I'd settle for being happy now and forsake the ever after. I'd stay that is if I was happy."

"You're not happy?" The Doctor looked like he'd taken a visible blow to the inside of his very being before the defences drained back into his glassy stare as the blood drained from his speared hearts.

"Then why would you miss this? Why talk like I'm condemning a prisoner to death row when you'd obviously rather be anywhere but here."

His words were bitter now as he turned his back on her to hide before slumping into the pilot seat and squaring his shoulders as if to brace howling winds.

"I was happy…"

The Doctor didn't look at her as she nervously pulled at her sleeve cuffs and walked towards him, coming to stand right in front of him. When his eyes remained downcast, Rose slowly knelt before him and reached to take his hand. He didn't stop her but simply looked at their joined hands as if they held the answer to life itself.

"…but you changed." Her tone wasn't accusatory.

"You'd rather I died on Satellite 5?" He searched her face.

"No, not then. Recently."

"What?"

"Sarah-Jane, Reinette…You said you'd never just leave me then poof, you're gone. The old you was right, yeah? I am a stupid ape. Thought I was special that I was different. My brain knew you were an alien but I still tried to understand you as a man. I thought I knew you but I know nothing."

"I was always coming back, Rose." He squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"You are special and you DO know me, so much it scares me sometimes."

"Yeah" she swiped at a rouge tear. "But I'm not the only special one. Kind'a thought special was exclusive." She shrugged and the Doctor drew in a long suffering sigh and searched the ceiling for answers.

"Rose, I'm very old. I had lived so many lives when you found me and your life may have just been beginning but mine, mine was ending."

"I know that now and it shouldn't matter but it does. I understand and it's not your fault, it's not…" She cupped his cheek and smiled. "But you don't understand what it is to be human. It's like you have this one, short, brilliant life and you only have time in that short life to really get to know one or two people really well out of the billions out there and you have to choose wisely 'cause they're the ones you share your life with. That's what I've been doing, investing my short time, my life, in knowing and learning you. You're special to me Doctor. Humans only have maybe fifteen years to choose people to build their lives around before they're suddenly running out of time and I choose you. But when you're gone, I'll have so little time left to start all over again but that's…that's ok."

His big, chocolate brown eyes stared at her in disbelief and awe.

"Wow, that's…Rose…I….I don't know what to say! You have such a loving, compassionate heart and that I…that you would choose to share that passion and life with a broken, battle scarred alien who spends his life running trying to find someone as genuine and innocent…someone who validates my faith in humanity and life and then I still keep running, running away from what matters. I don't deserve…" Words catch in his normally loquacious throat and his Adam's apple bobs for breath.

"The things I've seen, Rose. The things I've done. If you were to know me, Rose I would drown out that curiosity and spark in such darkness. I run all the time because I have all of Time and I'm scared…silly…alone…I…You become so much more everyday because you're time's running out and I love what you're becoming."

Rose half laughs and half sobs as she leans up for a hug. Her next words are half muffled in pinstriped strength.

"And I love you for who you are now and always. The fact you don't change means I'll never stop trusting you and never stop believing in you but I have to stop travelling with you 'cause all the wonderful things we see and do, even they become routine and their sparkle and meaning vanishes if you don't have someone to remember them with when they're over. I'm not so special and someday you'll leave me too and that's ok. I know it has to happen but everyone wants their lives to mean something but this life, thousands of light years away from Earth, will mean nothing unless I mean something to someone who can share it.

"I realised something, Doctor. I realised that without my naïve human connection to you, out here in this massive ship, I'm so lonely."

Rose is crying freely now, the Doctor cradling her face and fruitlessly wiping away tears.

"No! Rose, no! I have dibs on that term and of all the wonders and atrocities I commit in my life, the one thing I could never bare to be responsible for is making someone else lonely, especially not you."

It's not enough. She's so close to him right now and she knows that he cares for her and is proud of her, like a father, but crying, boneless on the floor, she realises she can't be this dependent on him. He is worth giving up everything for but her heart's just not strong enough to make that sacrifice not when it will be so broken and empty when it finally emerges from the T.A.R.D.I.S. back on Earth. It had taken so much power to come this far, she can't back down now. He respects her, cares for her, makes her feel safe, protects her but this new Doctor doesn't need her anymore, any good soul, any 'special' person would do.

She leans back on her ankles, breaking the moment and turns away as she scrubs at her face with a bedraggled sleeve. There's silence except for a few remaining sobs as she gets herself under control. Eventually she feels ready to turn away completely and stands, slowly turning away and heading for those doors that always had such anticipation and uncertainty. Her future now is so unsure; she feels cast adrift and lost, so out of her depth. Her mind's spinning as it calculates her situation, what she will do now, until a softly spoken word breaks through.

"Gallifrey."

It was the Doctor. The silence was so solid that she almost forgot he was there like the air had created walls upon walls between them. She turns.

"What?"

"It needs saying. What you mean to me, Rose. Why you're special; why I still travel with you - the whole of Gallifrey, Rose."

He's still perched on the pilot seat motionless, barely even breathing but he looks at her with such encompassing eyes.

"I don't understand." She sees something change in his demeanour, an unusual almost unseen sight of the Doctor opening up, talking, really talking.

"When I first met you through the abrasive, brooding, leather clad thing. I was kind of mysterious and sexy, even if I do say so myself…" he winks at her and she stifles a giggle. "It was also genuine. The universe used to be a vibrant, astounding place, full of sound and adventure and then it burned. Gallifrey, Rose, my home, my people, all I knew, it burned by my hand. Suddenly it was so dark. Technicolor faded to black and white and it was so quiet. All those voices, all that life, ambition, hopes, dreams, love… I felt deaf and blind and yet I alone still existed, so alone. I didn't want to…continue, Rose."

He comes to her then. Abashed and ashamed and takes her hands and lowers his gaze to their joined fingers.

"How could I appreciate a sunrise without sight, laughter without hearing and then I met you and you replaced everything that was gone. One human life became my whole world, my reason, my Gallifrey.

"You saved my life, Rose and I know that I have a long way to go to become a man that deserves salvation but you're my chance. I'll learn to stand alone again, it's the curse of the Time Lords but I'm still so unmade. Your eyes, your ears, your love is like a surrogate to my soul. Through you I see and feel and live again. It terrifies me to esteem one person so much because it's such a risk and everyday I think I'm going to fall until I feel your hand in mine.

"I don't know how I feel or who I am and I may always be afraid to find out but I know I want you with me. Is that enough for you?"

Damn stupid alien is making her cry again. She smiles and smoothes her hands protectively down his shirt breast and replies in the only way she knows how, the only way they know how, for now - with a joke.

"How could I still feel lonely if I have a hand to hold?"

"You'll stay?" and the sparkle in back in his eyes.

"I'll stay." and she's launching herself into his waiting arms and laughing that breathless kind of laughter that is so close to tears. When they finally break apart they stand simply smiling until reality seeps slowly back in.

"Oh but the T.A.R.D.I.S., you said…"

"Oh my God!"

"Doctor?"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Oh my God!"

"Doctor?"

Rose screams as a power surge blows several of the temporary, make-shift lights and a cacophony of sounds and jarring floors suddenly assault her senses.

The Doctor has run to the console monitor and she follows quickly behind. For once the T.A.R.D.I.S. is communicating in English.

ORGANIC STRUCTURE NOW FUNCTIONING AT REQUIRED NEUTRENAL PARAMETRES

"What?" The Doctor raises a bewildered eyebrow.

MAINFRAME RECHARGED AND BALANCED BY HUMAN/GALIFREYAN SEROTONIN LEVELS

"What?" The other brow joins its mate.

HOMEOSTASIS RECONFIGURED WITH ENERGY TO CARDOVASCULAR SYSTEM

"What?" His eyebrows rise impossibly higher and in unison.

WELCOME HOME MY DOCTOR

"What is it, Doctor?"

The Doctor is looking shell shocked but he hasn't grabbed her hand and yelled 'run' yet so Rose is feeling quietly confident.

His hand navigates of its own accord from rubbing the back of his neck, to tugging on an ear, to ruffling his soft brown hair and back again and Rose can't help but smile at the befuddled, Professor images that are conjured through her mind's eye.

"She crashed." He blew out an exasperated breath.

He's typing wildly at the keyboard now and sporadically talking as if he's merely thinking out loud and not in conversation.

"Yeah, still feel it thanks." At this he does spare her a swift look and apologetic smile as Rose rubs as her various bumps.

"No, I mean she literally dropped like you did outside."

"What?" Mentally Rose notes that there are far to many 'what's' involved in this situation for her liking but then the Doctor's spinning round and grabbing her upper arms and looking at her in such amazement and joy.

"She's sentient! Ha!"

"No shit, Sherlock, thought we kind of covered that!"

"Oh cheeky! You better apologise she doesn't care for profanity. Her she is, methophically laid up in intense care, and you didn't even bring grapes or better yet, a banana!" he chastises.

"It's you that's bananas about bananas and she knows I didn't mean any disrespect. She's the only female company I have. The old girl's a good friend, thank you very much!" Rose strokes caringly at a crumbling column.

"Oh and you are hers, Rose. That's the whole point!"

And with a condescending pat on the back, that makes Rose stumble ungainly forward, he's off flicking levers and doing laps of that magical circle at the heart of their home.

"Thanks. I think she likes me but I don't understand."

"We fought. You were leaving. My hearts…it broke her heart. She suffered a major anxiety attack brought on by very sentient depression. I thought I was getting too human and my bloody ship's swooning." The Doctor jumps back in a shower of sparks!

"She…?"

He skidded to a halt and lifted Rose right off her feet, spinning her around with his, much missed, exuberance and manic hysteria.

"She's fine! 'Cause we're fine!" He drops her. "Well she'll need a couple of days, a good clean and some old fashioned T.L.C. but…where to, Rose anywhere, anywhen in the universe."

His grin would split diamonds and hers is a perfect match.

"Home."

"What?" he immediately looks kicked.

"…which means pretty much anywhere you want to take me except Vascoss IV. I don't care if it is a natural excretion for levelling their endocrine systems. I may love pink but not in gooey snot consistency or Harutex slash coda botox, by the way, as blue, bursting pustules? Really Doctor?" But she can't suppress a laugh as their old argumentative banter returns and the Doctor walks, face first, into her every aside.

"It's Bytox and fine but I'm not taking you but to Minuesse again, you were getting way to friendly with that waiter."

"But the pretty! He was pink and fluffy, literally!" she pouts.

"Actually I'm not taking you anywhere where the native population's hair rivals mine."

"Oh you are so vain." He pouts.

"And a little foxy?" The Doctor waggles those impressive brows.

"Nah, if you were foxy you'd have to be ginger!" She giggles.

"Rose Tyler, now that's just rude…"

The strange pink and yellow her and her Doctor are back in the mysterious blue box and all is right with the world. And they all lived happily ever after, or did they?

To be continued in, "A Time to Live…"

The End


End file.
